I’m
an independent woman. Just ask my husband.
In
2010, when we moved to Istanbul, it was first time in 18
years I didn’t have a job. I have been working at least part-time since I was
15. In college, I juggled three jobs for awhile. From 2005-2010, I worked 60+
hours a week in the restaurant business.
Needless
to say when I found myself “unemployed” in my new expat life, I struggled. I didn’t know what
to do with myself. I hadn’t had much free time for several years. What does one
do, I thought.
Well,
I signed up for every expat group and organization possible in Istanbul. I
grabbed my camera and wandered around the streets. I started this blog. I
started teaching baking
classes. Later, I took Turkish lessons. I became the busiest, unemployed
woman I knew.
Last
year, I was baking every week for a coffee shop in Sultanahmet. I was a co-coordinator of PAWI.
I was even more active than before until this spring when my husband dropped a
bombshell on me. We would be moving earlier than we had anticipated. I was
devastated, but we made the decision TOGETHER that we’d rather stay abroad than
move back to the U.S. right now.
For
a couple weeks, I was in denial about moving. Then, I realized I better start
researching about my new country – Poland.
As
I researched other expat blogs and searches regarding moving abroad to another expat
posting, I stumbled upon the term “The Trailing Spouse.” There are
even Twitter
hashtags and workshops geared towards the
trailing spouse.
I
pictured myself as a lost puppy dog, tugging onto the shirt tails of my
husband’s dress shirt in my mouth and lagging behind him. I was not amused. WTH?
This is B.S.!
 |
| Not exactly the image I had in mind, but close. |
I
asked my husband if this is what he thought of me as I pantomimed my dog
trailing image to him.
He
knew the correct answer.
Shortly
after we moved to Warsaw, my
husband and I met some work acquaintances for a drink. One of these men asked
how I liked being the “trailing spouse” so far. I tried my best to smile and
said it was great, and that we had just found an apartment. Change of subject.
Inside,
I was cringing. I wish I had a punching bag to take out my anger. Actually, I
wanted to punch this guy.
My
husband could tell that I was putting on a good front, but inside I was furious.
Unfortunately,
I’m sure this incident won’t be the last time that I hear this offensive term.
Maybe some expat wives are okay with it, but I’m certainly not. (One of the
blogs I follow recently wrote about this topic too: I
am an Expat by 4 kids, 20 suitcases & a beagle.)
I’m
not a trailing spouse.
Yes,
I’m a wife, but my identity is as a pastry chef.
I’m
still figuring out my new life here in Warsaw. I joined the International
Women’s Group of Warsaw and already have been recruited as the
newsletter editor. I’m sure it’s only a matter of time before I start teaching my
baking classes, which is something I really enjoy. I love teaching people how
to take such simple ingredients and turn them into something delicious.
We’d
also like to start a family.
Until
then, the only trailing you’ll be seeing is when we go hiking on the trails in
the nearby Polish forests.
